Among slugs, seeds and Steve Buscemi one thing I have also always been scared of is change. I know the best of us struggle to adjust to life progressing but it seems for years I have been terrified of changes so much so I have avoided making any. My motto seems to be ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ and I don’t need to tell you that tomorrow almost never shows up. It really is about time I grew the fuck up.
movieactors.com Steve Buscemi
The first step was moving to Southampton which is a pretty big deal for the girl who is so easily attached to things, she got emotional when Woolworths closed down. And although Birmingham and Southampton aren’t worlds apart being down south has changed my life completely. I live with a boy. I now wake up at eight am without having to set an alarm. The friendship group I had when I left is different to the one I have now. I am studying at Uni and I am actually doing pretty well at it and I will be taking on an internship for a whole six weeks in London which is a huge shocker considering I have an innate fear of the place. So yes I can say the move from home to elsewhere has reshaped my future entirely. However I am still trying to shake the feeling of frustration I have been hurling at myself for leaving it all so long. All of my friends have been to Uni and back, have settled into jobs with amazing prospects and some are living in their own homes. Whilst all of this was happening I was jumping from one dead end job to another and spending the little money I did earn on cider and chips.
soultsretailview.co.uk Woolworths
It’s not like I wanted to spend the rest of life having avoiding responsibility, achievements or worth-while experiences. I was just too scared to grow up, be an adult and do what I always had wanted to do. I knew when I finished school that I wanted to go University. At that time I even knew that if I were to study further my choice would be Journalism. So I am unsure as to why I spent years working in retail and customer service- often for people that fail to give a fuck about anyone but themselves. I would go out to the same club, every week. Whilst there I would drink the same cheap alcohol that tasted like de-icer. I would find myself dancing to the same old set list, surrounded by people in dire need of scrub. The morning after I would proceed to wake up lying next to the remains of a doner,, mayo and mint sauce plastered across my face and twenty minutes to get to work. During these years I didn’t manage to save one solitary penny and yet, I have absolutely nothing to show for all the money I earned. I still can’t drive, I have barely been to a festival, I haven’t been on holiday aboard for seven years let alone travelled, I haven’t saved to buy my own home and as I have previously mentioned I am just starting Uni years after most of my friends have long finished it. In fact the most I did do during this period was take the odd trip to Manchester to get even more smash arsed than usual.
ASIB Blogspot.com Kebab
So yes, I am proud of the move and I am even happier that I finally realised it was time for change. I have survived my first year in a new city and that is an achievement in itself for someone who gets around less than Truman Burbank. However that isn’t going to be enough to quell the quarter life crisis I appear to be having. I am more determined than ever to do more and I have promised myself I will cut back on the alcohol and spend more of my money on trips away and days out rather than on the house white down the local. It will be hard to change these old habits but it’s something I have to do. I think my organs will second this and lowering my chances of developing Alex Ferguson’s complexion will be welcome too. My plan is to have had at least two holidays/breaks, be learning how to drive and be on the way to saving for a mortgage post Uni by the end of next year. I am aware this is pretty ambitious for a student whose cupboards are an advertisement for Asda’s Smart Price but if I were to calculate all the money I have spent on the off licence’s’ finest over the years I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. I just hope I manage it. No mayo, less red meat and rationed White Lighting doesn’t sound too complex in theory but judging by my past it could be quite the challenge.
my.spill Truman Show; Truman Burbank
For a long time I have put all of these plans off purely because I have been too scared to make changes- fearing things will never be how they used to; when in reality they weren’t ever that great in the first place. Willing people and places to remain the same forever is an altogether impossible and incredibly pointless task. I feel rather embarrassed that all of my energy was spent trying to convince myself I can be 18 forever when 18 for me meant drinking until you no longer cared or actually knew how old you are. And so, I am here… For years I have been putting plans on hold always believing I can do it all tomorrow. However only in recent years have I realised that even at the age of twenty three it is impossible to guarantee those tomorrows. We really should be doing it now.
BABBADEMZ 